Father's Love

FATHERS WHO LOVE      

How, then, can fathers truly be intensely loving in a society that does not encourage it? Here’s how: (1) Fathers decide that it is manly to love intensely. (2) Fathers conquer the inhibition that society thrusts on them. (3) Fathers truly treat their family members as they treat their own personal lives. (4) Fathers accept the fact that their love complements the mothers’ love, not competes with it. Thus, their love is equally important to the family welfare.

The good news is that there are many Bahamian fathers who love intensely. Many men leave behind the traditional roles for men and become, along with mothers, the primary care-givers for their children. These are the fathers who refuse to work overtime, who leave their briefcases at the office over the weekend, or their tools in the carpenter’s shop, who make an effort never to miss a school parents-child activity. They are finding fulfillment and success in ways that society doesn't quite understand yet. We do know that these loving Bahamian fathers are the ones who are really contributing to the strengthening of the Bahamian family life, thus greatly assisting in the decrease in criminal activities. These are the fathers who know that the "good old days" were not all that good, and that to maintain a healthy family life requires one to take a new look at the way we do things. The habits and traditions of the "good old days" did very little to strengthen families. We are seeing evidence of that today.

My very own father made it easier for me to break tradition and become an intensely loving father. He did everything for us and with us. He loved, cried, hugged, kissed cooked, baked, talked with us, and told us, "I love you." More importantly, he freely said "I’m sorry" when he made a mistake. Therefore, when our two children were born, I was extremely jealous of anyone else taking my place and influencing my child more than I. I didn’t even want my parents’ love for their grandchildren to be in any way more intense and meaningful than my love. Although I did not breast-feed my children, I would change their diapers, cook the food, iron the clothes, and comb their hair. When our daughter started to go to school, her friends would commend her on her neat hair styles. They would say to her "Your mother did a beautiful job." She often had to correct them by saying "It was my father who combed my hair." I combed my daughter’s hair every day until the age of ten. After that, I did not have the skill to make any more of the fancy, more "grown-up" styles. It was my wife’s turn then. I would spend literally hours holding our children, playing with them, and being there to say "good night."