I guess everyone is feeling the post GE-13 blues right now. I know I am one of them.
I'm 34 years old this year and sad to say that I've never voted my whole life. I blame my own ignorance for that and nothing else. I think I've been too comfortable my whole life that casting a vote and spending a day lining up didn't seem like something I wanted to do on a nice Sunday morning. Felt like a waste of my time and felt like 1 vote won't change a thing and even if it did, winning one seat won't make any difference to my life. Yes I must admit, that WAS my mentality all along. To make matters worse, I managed to marry someone with that same mentality (if not worse) which made me feel even more comfortable not voting. Again, ignorance is to be blamed here. 
Closer to GE-13 I started spending more time reading online sites and spent less time watching tv and reading the newspaper. No one told me to stop but I felt sick watching the news on tv that kept bashing the opposition. I am not on any sides here but when you keep seeing and listening to crap on tv you start to think for yourself. "Are they kidding me?" It is as if, the government can do no wrong and the opposition can do no right. That was when I started reading and watching stuff online rather than relying on the mainstream media to provide me news and updates. And I must say FB is another good source. Someone will post something and I will watch it and research it online. Then you get the truth. Something you won't get on mainstream media. From that day on, I started to follow up updates and news online on this GE-13 and started getting more and more interested in it.
At the same time, a lot is going on in my life - with the kids, the move to the new house and the constant traveling for the past few months and I didn't get the chance to register to be a voter. Something I really really regret but at the same time, I think deeper than casting my vote. I feel that it is my job to know what I am voting for and not just vote for the sake of voting. If I want to do something, I want to do it right.
I love my country.. believe it or not. I really feel blessed to be part of this country but being a Malaysian, I also see so many flaws in our current government. Some say if you don't vote, then you have no right to speak. While I agree to that to some extent, I also feel that whether you vote or not, you are still a citizen and I still pay taxes so I do have the right to speak. 
A lot of people are very emotional when it comes to this. Especially on fb, I saw friends fighting with each other because they don't support the same party and many have so many negative things to say about each other. In a way, I don't blame them. They obviously are passionate people and therefore they feel so strongly about what they believe. I'm all for that because I am quite a passionate person by nature too but sometimes I wish people would filter what they say to people too. I don't like provocation and I don't like confrontation and to see it happening on fb between friends is kind of sad. What have we become? 1Malaysia? I think not.
The 'rakyat' has spoken on the 5 May 2013 and I guess it is what it is... BN has been in power for a long time and perhaps way too long. They know the tricks. They know how to win. Fair or unfair is besides the point. I don't see how opposition can win. I must say though that throughout my 'research', I was surprised that the result came out that way. I really thought the opposition could win more seats than they did. I saw so many videos of followers and their campaign and I know that they have won the rakyats heart but somehow the results came out otherwise. When I sit and think about it, I guess deep down I kind of knew no matter what, BN will win so I slept that night thinking the powerful side won. 
We've been blessed to be part of Malaysia. Growing up, I've always felt as ease and whenever I see riots and all on international tv, I was proud to say that my country isn't like that but lately, we see it happening to our country too and I wonder what happened?
Tun Mahathir recently did an interview and I saw it and he said it is not that the opposition is now stronger, it is because the government has become weaker. Those were his words, not mine. And I agree. It is true what he said. Our government has become weaker. 
We don't see it during Mahathir's time. We were united. So what happened and what went wrong?
The point of my post is not to say I'm pro government or pro opposition. I want to say that I want a better Malaysia. And more than anything it is ME that needs to play MY part in the society. What can I do to make Malaysia a better place? It is more than placing a vote every 5 years. It goes beyond that I think. 
Malaysians are not racist. I don't believe we are so stop making racial comments to provoke others. I believe this is Tanah Melayu and I believe we need to fight that right for sure but that doesn't mean I need to rub it in my Chinese or Indian friend's face of my privileges. They are Malaysians too and this is their Tanah Tumpah darah too so we need to give them something for their hard work too. Malaysia wouldn't be complete without our Chinese and Indian and all the other races. 
Stop the negativity pls. Towards government and towards opposition. Government isn't perfect without flaws and opposition is not all that bad. If you read and see the mainstream media, yes you will only see the bad side of the opposition and only the good side of the government so if you are smart (like me), see both sides and then you judge.
For now, like I said.. Perhaps it is best to accept the results and see how we can improve as a society. We owe it to our children. Give them the good life we had growing up in a harmonious society. That's my plan at least... What's yours?
Can we just agree to disagree and live happily ever after?
And pls... Enough of sex scandals. I don't want to know who had sex with so and so and I'm not interested to know who just did another sumpah lakhnat in from of the Kaabah. That is between you and God. 
Malaysians, we still have a lot to work on. Lets start our day thanking our lucky stars, count our blessings and lets start doing our part for our society. I'm gonna register to vote ASAP...
U? What's your plan for our beloved country?

Nuclear Life

The past month has been very busy. Almost too busy. I had to press pause on a few things just so I didn’t reach the edge of my cliff. Unfortunately, my beloved blog was one of them.

There are times in our lives when we need to press pause. When we need to re-evaluate, refocus, recharge and renew. And, it is ok when we need to press pause on certain things just so that we can get through rough, busy or hectic times.

I decided not to beat myself up for pressing pause on this.  That’s not being present…it’s living in the past and second guessing  my decisions – these are no longer priorities in my commitment to live more intentionally and be more present.  I know you’ll understand, and though I missed my writing, sharing and storytelling outlet, I am now refocused and able to return to my writing and sharing a lot with you.

We all experience this at times: when there are just other things in life that need our focus.  One of the things that I have learned in my quest to be more present is that “being more present” sometimes means recognizing the priorities in our lives and focusing our attention on things most important to us.

That is why I call this my “Be Present Project“. It is a project: something I’m constantly working on, and something I’m striving to do each day. I’m never going to do this perfectly, but I am going to certainly try.

Minds Of Their Own

Our children, they are amazing and wonderful, and sometimes they are not. They do have minds of their own. And, sometimes, they can bring us to humiliation, tears, and frustration. The perpetual positive person in me likes to look at these moments for what they are and move on. Sometimes, I’ll even write them down just so that I’ll be sure to remember them later (maybe even embarrass my kids a little in the future). The stories are that good at times, like this one:

We took our girls to the mall and let them spend some time at the play area. When we decided to leave, my youngest was not happy. She refused to listen and kept trying to go back to the play area. I had to pick her up and carry her out. When I did this, it made her even more mad and she started flailing and screaming like I was a stranger abducting her from her family. I was embarrassed, but resolute. I wasn’t going to try to reason with her in that moment and just held her tight, walking as fast as I could to get to the car. I was hoping that she’d start to calm down.

Well, she didn’t. She screamed all the way and became more agitated. I started to walk faster as we entered Nordstrom and knew that if I could just get through this one last store, I was home free to the outside and close to my car.

My sweet girl wasn’t giving up on showing her displeasure and shortly after I stepped foot into this store, my completely potty trained little girl started peeing all over me. And, I’m not talking just a frustrated trickle, I’m talking I-just-drank-a-gallon-of-water kind of pee. It was coming out like a fire hose. I was mortified. I thought to myself, “should I stop?” as I was leaving a trail of pee all over the beautiful floors of this upscale store. Surely, I needed to tell someone so that no one got hurt, but I couldn’t. I just had to keep going, the screaming, the struggle to keep her in my arms was becoming futile and we were soaked to the bone in pee. I just had to make it to my car, that was what I had to do. I tried to walk even faster (perhaps even a slight jog), but my flip-flops were so wet that I was having a hard time keeping them on. But, we finally made it and all was well just a short few minutes later.

Yes, this is what motherhood is all about. The good and the bad, the funny and sad. Enjoying the journey in total is what matters most, even moments like this. What are some of your embarrassing moments?

The Journey

This afternoon, I received such a great surprise. My mentor texted me she was in town and wanted to see if I had time to get together. I was elated. This woman has been one of my biggest champions in this journey called life and I’m grateful beyond words to have her as a part of it.

I was paired with her as a part of my College Leadership Florida program well more than a decade ago (man, I’m growing up!), and the stars must have been aligned just right because we are a perfect match. What I love most about her: she asks the right questions, she challenges me, yet always supports me, she always believed in me and she has been one of my very best friends. Her formal commitment to me was only that one year, but we’ve stayed connected to this day. She even stood with me when I got married as one of my bridesmaids (I bet she thought she’d never do that again!).

Our time together today reminded me about how important it is to have mentors in our lives. To have those objective, supportive, experienced individuals to help us through our journey. And, I think about how important it is to give back, to turn around and support someone yourself. I’ve been a mentor to a few amazing young women, and it has been such a joy to see them grow in their careers.

Why is mentorship important? Well, I think it is all about being in an authentic relationship. Mentorship comes in many forms: friendships, colleagues and sometimes, competitors. It doesn’t have to be something formal, just real. You could have many of these kind of people in your life for the various parts of it…your career, motherhood, a spiritual journey or a hobby.

Mentors are great champions. They can be a source of great inspiration. They can talk you through a tough time and give you wonderful perspective. They cheer you on when you need it the most. They believe in your dreams and support you in achieving your goals.

They are someone who can help keep you grounded. We’ve all had our ups and downs. As we go through this life journey it is important to have an experienced, objective person to point out things you may not see yourself. One of the greatest things my mentor taught me was truly evaluating my strengths and what I loved to do in life. She drew this matrix for me, and to this day, I still think about it when making a career decision, and I’ve shared it with others myself (I also love this Venn diagram).

Mentors open doors. Yes, they can help open doors by introducing you to people, but more importantly, they open the doors of your own possibility. They can help you see things that you might not notice on your own, and they can encourage you to overcome your fears.

I think it doesn’t matter if you are the mentor or the mentee, you learn from each other. The relationship is a blessing and one that will have a positive impact on your life. I know my mentor will read this, and I try to tell her as often as I can that she has been such an important part in the fabric of my life.

I just wish more of us actually did this. So, even though you may not be an “official” mentor to anyone, your relationship with someone just may mean the world to them. Why don’t we all do what we can to lift each other up instead of tearing each other down? Take time to learn from those ahead of you in life and those behind you. The joy is in sharing and learning from each other…oh, and to be present in those moments.

Who has been your mentor or an important anchor in your life? I want to hear about them and would love to recognize them (and your stories) on my blog! Post in the comments below.

Sister's Vacations

We are about to leave on a fun family vacation with my sister and her family. I’m beyond excited and we can hardly wait for the morning. This is going to be like fiveSunday night dinners in a row! As I have been preparing things for our trip tomorrow, I have been thinking a lot about my sister.

Marketing has been my career, so I love reviewing how readers get to my blog. One of the top search terms for my site: I love my sister. This is so funny and couldn’t be more perfect for me. Because I do love my sister, so very much.

She is my best friend and my rock. My life would not be complete without her. She is kind, talented, giving, funny and unbelievably strong. I look up to her and admire her for what a great mom, wife, friend and sister she is.

One completely sappy moment we had was shortly after I found out I was pregnant with my second child. She was pregnant with her first and knew she was having a boy. We talked about the gender of my baby and I told her how we’d like to have a boy, too. To that she said, “But, if you have a boy, then Danica won’t have what we have.” We both started crying.

My girls are so lucky that they have each other. Having a sister is one of the greatest gifts in this world. I’m grateful for mine and love her with all of my heart.

Last year, when I was beginning my journey to be more present and making a lot of big changes in my life to do just that, my beautiful sister wrote me a special note. I think this is great advice for all the moms out there:

“I just wanted to send you an email to let you know what a great mom I think you are!  I can’t imagine how hard it is to juggle work, family and friends.  Talking with you today about feeling guilty about how much time you spend with the girls and family made me think of something.  No matter how much time you spend with your kids and family you will still have mommy guilt and think you should spend more time!  Even though I stay home with my kids, I still feel guilty that I’m not doing enough.  I don’t think that feeling will ever go away!  We just need to accept that we are doing the best we can and that is what makes us GREAT moms!  I think we are always striving to be better and do better by our children and that is what makes wonderful mommies.  The moment you think you are at the top of your game and you can’t do any better is when you will just be mediocre!  You have the most beautiful, smart, energetic, intelligent and outgoing girls… they are such a reflection of how wonderful you are and what a great job you do.  I love you so much and admire you even more for the wonderful person and mom that you are.”

I love my sister. If you are lucky enough to have one, too, tell her how important she is to you.

Father's Love

FATHERS WHO LOVE      

How, then, can fathers truly be intensely loving in a society that does not encourage it? Here’s how: (1) Fathers decide that it is manly to love intensely. (2) Fathers conquer the inhibition that society thrusts on them. (3) Fathers truly treat their family members as they treat their own personal lives. (4) Fathers accept the fact that their love complements the mothers’ love, not competes with it. Thus, their love is equally important to the family welfare.

The good news is that there are many Bahamian fathers who love intensely. Many men leave behind the traditional roles for men and become, along with mothers, the primary care-givers for their children. These are the fathers who refuse to work overtime, who leave their briefcases at the office over the weekend, or their tools in the carpenter’s shop, who make an effort never to miss a school parents-child activity. They are finding fulfillment and success in ways that society doesn't quite understand yet. We do know that these loving Bahamian fathers are the ones who are really contributing to the strengthening of the Bahamian family life, thus greatly assisting in the decrease in criminal activities. These are the fathers who know that the "good old days" were not all that good, and that to maintain a healthy family life requires one to take a new look at the way we do things. The habits and traditions of the "good old days" did very little to strengthen families. We are seeing evidence of that today.

My very own father made it easier for me to break tradition and become an intensely loving father. He did everything for us and with us. He loved, cried, hugged, kissed cooked, baked, talked with us, and told us, "I love you." More importantly, he freely said "I’m sorry" when he made a mistake. Therefore, when our two children were born, I was extremely jealous of anyone else taking my place and influencing my child more than I. I didn’t even want my parents’ love for their grandchildren to be in any way more intense and meaningful than my love. Although I did not breast-feed my children, I would change their diapers, cook the food, iron the clothes, and comb their hair. When our daughter started to go to school, her friends would commend her on her neat hair styles. They would say to her "Your mother did a beautiful job." She often had to correct them by saying "It was my father who combed my hair." I combed my daughter’s hair every day until the age of ten. After that, I did not have the skill to make any more of the fancy, more "grown-up" styles. It was my wife’s turn then. I would spend literally hours holding our children, playing with them, and being there to say "good night."

I dedicate this post to all mothers all over the world. For your information, some men too can be classified as "mothers" due to the "motherly role" they play when the mothers are not there for their children. This post is also dedicated to all the abused women all over the world. Most of these abused women are afraid to come out and report the inhumane treatments being meted to them by their husbands, brothers, uncles, fathers and members of their communities in the name of local customs and tradition. Also a mother should not necessarily be a woman who has given birth before, but any other woman who though has no children of her own takes very good care of other people's children, nurtures them, provides them with education, quality healthcare and in fact all their needs in life. Many women out there are really taking their motherly roles very seriously and are bringing up their children in a good way. Therefore, i dedicate the poem " A Motherly Love" to all mothers as we once again celebrate " Mothers Day" this year.

A Mother's Love

There are times when only a mother's love can understand our tears,

Can soothe our disappointments and calm our fears.

There are times when only a mother's love can share the joy we feel

When something we have dreamed about quite suddenly is real.

There are times when only a mother's faith can help on life's way

And inspire in us the confidence we need from day to day.

For a mother's heart and a mother's faith and a mother's steadfast love

Were fashioned by the angels and sent from God above. (Author Unknown)

To our mothers, we say we love you and God bless you.